How To Talk To Women (An Easy Guide)
Learn how to talk to women: The easiest guide out there
Talking to women isn’t always straightforward; it requires finesse and confidence…both of which take a lot of practice and time to build.
But there’s one thing every guy wants when he does talk to women, and that’s coming out on top.
What does “coming out on top” really mean in this context?
The most obvious answer is getting a girl's number when you cold approach her. You definitely came out on top in that situation.
But there’s a ton of other scenarios where success with talking to women takes on many forms.
For example:
- Coming off as a high value man every time you talk with a woman
- Dealing with rejection appropriately when a woman shows you no interest
- Knowing how to deal with being ghosted and responding appropriately so you don't look like a complete beta
In this easy guide on teaching you how to talk to women, we will go over various conversation topics.
Here’s what I’ll cover:
- A secret method you can use that will help you gain major experience when it comes to talking to women
- How to handle a woman rejecting you
- How to talk to women you don’t know
- Where to talk to more women if you’re a quieter guy
- How to initiate a conversation online
- How to initiation a conversation in person
Let’s get right into it.
Leveling up your lifestyle to talk to women better
I came across this quote from James Clear’s weekly newsletter:
"New goals don't deliver new results. New lifestyles do. And a lifestyle is a process, not an outcome. For this reason, all of your energy should go into building better habits, not chasing better results."
Dating and self-improvement is all about your lifestyle choices.
You need to mold your lifestyle to help you attract more women and find yourself in situations where you’re talking to more women.
Why do we want you to talk to more women?
The more girls you talk to, the better you’ll be at talking to girls.
What lifestyle adjustments can we make so you’re constantly talking to more women and getting in the necessary reps to become a better talker?
Here’s three strategies you can implement:
- Greeting women who look at you
If a girl is looking in your direction, that doesn't mean she wants to sleep with you and have your babies. She could just be looking in your direction for some random reason.
But you shouldn’t let that opportunity go to waste. If a girl is looking your way, you must greet her. “Hey, how’s it going?” is all you need to say. The conversation might go nowhere. But it could also go somewhere and develop into a first date and possibly a serious romance. You just never know. So start making it a habit of greeting and talking to women more when they are looking your way.
- Maximizing your dating profiles
First, you need to have a good dating profile. A lot of guys have abysmal dating profiles. ( In my private members-only group, I will personally audit and help you fix up your profile).
Once your profile is presentable, start DMing like crazy. You need to be reaching out to 10+ women per day for a sustained period of time. Dating apps are like sales calls. The more prospects you reach out to, the better the chances you'll close a sale.
Don’t log into the app once per week, send out two messages, and disappear again. You want to build the habit of constant outreach.
- Maximizing your Instagram profile
Your Instagram profile can be turned into a dating lead generator. First, you need to create a decent looking profile which I cover in How To Make Her Want You.
After, you need to find local women who post stories. You then want to comment on their stories. If you can make it a habit of responding to at least 10 stories per week in a normal way, again, you’re increasing your chances of securing a date.
You want to build a set of outreach habits that constantly put you in a position of interacting with more women.
How to handle a woman rejecting you
I’m a big proponent of men building up their network, making as much money as possible, and focusing on success first and foremost before chasing women.
If a woman is not romantically interested in you, it’s a good idea to assess if you can somehow further your career by having her in your network.
Let’s say there’s a girl you like and she says to you “Let’s just be friends” when you’ve made it clear you want to go on a date with her.
First, think in terms of your bank account.
Can this girl somehow help you get paid?
She’s an accountant.
You're an accountant.
She works at a prestigious firm.
You might have to call her up one day about a job opening at her company.
It could be a good idea to be civil and not burn that bridge.
But let's say there’s no pathway to progress your financial security through her.
What should you say if her statement is “let’s just be friends?”
Show her you’re not one of these submissive nice guys.
Respond with:
“I’m good. I have a lot of friends already. But it was nice meeting you.”
You just showed her you're a high-value man.
She might now reconsider your advance.
If you responded with “Sure, let’s be friends. I’d love that”, you would have a zero shot with her after that.
At least with an aggressive response, there’s a possibility she might be into you in the future.
How to talk to a woman you don’t know
You see a cute girl at the coffee shop. She kind of looked at you…but you didn't have the courage to come up to her and say hi.
Should you see this as a missed opportunity? No. There are hot women everywhere. You’ll have your chance again. You can literally walk into another 10 coffee shops that day and spot a girl you can approach.
The opportunities in a somewhat well populated area are endless. And most of the time, the women you cold approach won’t be interested in you.
That’s the reality. So there really is no such thing as a missed opportunity.
Don’t start telling yourself “what if she was my soul mate and I let it her slip away?” Be realistic. She was probably not even going to respond if you exchanged numbers. That’s how most cold approaches go.
But I will say this…
It’s better that you get rejected than not talk to her at all.
You will feel MUCH better about yourself knowing you took your shot.
In general, you want to talk to as many women as you can.
Why?
Most will either be taken, ghost you, or just not be interested.
You have to find the select few who will be open to taking it to the next level.
Cold approaching is a numbers game.
To talk to a woman you don’t know, you must use the environment as a tool.
The biggest issue most guys have when talking to women is they don’t know what to say.
Some of the best communicators I know talk instinctually.
They contribute to conversations with ease no matter what the scenario or occasion is.
This is a rare ability but there’s a way to develop it.
Here’s what you do:
1.) Start talking to women as often as you can
Don’t have any expectations.
You’re not trying to get her number.
All you’re doing is trying to talk to her for 15-30 seconds.
2.) Practice cold commenting
If you see a girl at the salsa section at the supermarket, point to one of the brands and say “watch out for that one. It’s spicy.”
If you see her looking at muffins, say “that one is pretty good.”
If you see a woman walking outside with a hat on, say “I like your hat. Did you get it at that vintage shop down the street?”
More often than not, women will talk to you for a few seconds.
This will drastically increase your conversational confidence.
But you must look approachable.
Meaning, you need to be groomed and dressed decently.
See how long you can last with carrying the conversation until you run out of things to say.
Do this enough times and not only are you now comfortable with coming up to women, you’ll be able to improvise better in a conversation.
You can’t get better at talking unless you do it often.
This exercise will definitely level up your talking skills.
Where to talk to more women if you’re a quieter guy
Bars, lounges, and outdoor evening events are good places to pickup women…
But what if you’re a quieter guy who doesn't like to yell over the inherent noise in these places?
What if those settings make you uncomfortable?
There's plenty of other options.
Here’s a list of classes/places you can go to that has plenty of women:
• Yoga classes
• Cycling classes
• General fitness classes
• Tennis classes
• Book signings
• Religious institutions
• Political clubs
• Co-ed sports leagues
• Community sports leagues
• Farmers markets
• Dog parks
• Local community pools
• Animal shelters
Get active. Single women are everywhere.
How to respond to a girl ghosting you
Let’s say you meet a girl at a party or through a dating app.
You hit it off and there's some decent chemistry.
You have some back and forth via texting, and then you say “let’s go out for drinks this weekend?”
But she doesn’t respond, what do you do?
Is this a classic case of her ghosting you?
Maybe.
But here’s something to remember.
If she has Snapchat, Instagram, Facebook, and whatever else on her phone with notifications on, it’s possible your text simply got buried. Not to mention other people could be texting her which is really putting your text 6-feet under.
Or she got busy and overwhelmed with something else and it occupied her mind.
Double texting here is okay.
Wait 1–3 days and follow up with “Did anyone ever tell you how talkative you are?”
This is on the snarkier and sarcastic side. It’s got a slight bad boy vibe to it.
Under no circumstance do you say “You know, ghosting is extremely disrespectful.”
Do not signal that you’re offended. She’s not your girlfriend.
She’s a stranger; she doesn’t need a lesson in manners.
Use humor and sarcasm instead to show you’re easy going and have a “I don’t give a F” attitude.
Q: “Why should I double text her? If she’s interested in me, she’ll look for my text instead of letting it get buried.”
A: That’s possible. This can be her ghosting you because of low interest. But it’s also possible enough time and interaction hasn’t taken place where she even knows what level of interest she has in you at this point.
That’s why I would do one follow up.
If she doesn’t respond after that, then yeah she’s ghosting you and it’ll be time to move on.
How to tell if a girl is into you during a conversation
I heard a good conversation this week.
Two guys were talking.
One of them went to a hotel while traveling for work and he was talking about the receptionist.
He said “The front desk girl was hot. She was smiling at me. Asking me why I’m in the area. And gave me a bunch of extra moisturizer and toothpaste when I asked if they had any in the back.”
The other guy responded with “Damn, sounds like she liked you. You asked for her number?”
The friend said no.
So did the girl actually like him?
Or was she just being friendly?
The fastest way to determine if the receptionist was into him is by seeing how she treated other guests checking in.
If she was treating them the same way as this guy, then she’s obviously just being friendly.
She’s doing her job.
I don’t interpret anything she did as flirty or trying to show the guy interest.
Asking why you’re in the area and giving you some moisturizer is standard protocol at hotels.
Also, most people “"don't sh*t where they eat" as the saying goes.
Meaning, if she's making money at her job, and she likes her job, she's likely not going to try and risk it by flirting and sleeping with a guest.
You have to look for more data points.
He would need another opportunity to see her again…
And during that second meeting he has to ask himself the following questions.
Was she very receptive to having a conversation with me?
Was she hinting I should take her out while I’m in town?
Was she very curious about me ?
Was she trying to extend the conversation with me?
Was she saying things like “Awww” and “that’s so cute” to some statements I was making?
You need to look at various data points to determine if a girl is actually flirting with you vs just being nice.
Most women are usually just being nice.
The problem is men don't get that much attention from girls often so when a woman finally does acknowledge them, they interpret that niceness as flirting.
“Everytime a girl is nice, we think she wants to sleep with us” is what one guy told me.
It’s an honest mistake.
You have to look for multiple signs to determine if a girl is into you.
How to initiate a conversation
Here’s a question I got recently:
“I usually have problems initiating conversation when I find a match on a dating app or when I try to approach women in general. It'd be helpful if you could shed some light on that.”
When it comes to online dating:
Ask good questions.
“Sup? Wat you doing right now?”
This isn’t good.
And grammar matters.
So use full sentences.
“Your profile says you’re a nurse. Why did you decide to go into that profession?”
This is a better question.
Or talk about location.
“Have you always lived in Boston?”
But the point of dating apps isn’t to conversate for several days.
If you’re going on and on for 4-5 days, she’ll think you’ll never ask her out and she’ll lose interest.
Or some other guy will get to her first.
After 1-2 days maximum should you now move the communication over to texting.
And shortly after texting, you want to invite her out.
It’s all one big funnel.
Remember - women like men that make moves.
If you’re taking too long to make a move, you come off as indecisive, not that into her, or just someone looking for a texting buddy.
And “making moves” does not mean to ask her out within the first five minutes of e-meeting her.
She’ll assume you’re bored or extra thirsty. You may be really attracted to her photos, but you still have to act like you’re doing some vetting.
When it comes to initiating conversation in person:
What does most of the talking is your appearance:
- Do you carry your weight well?
- Are you in shape?
- Is your skin looking good?
- Are you groomed?
- Are you dressed well?
- Are your teeth plaque-free?
All of this obviously plays a role.
If you’re looking somewhat attractive in her eyes, you don’t need to say anything crazy or creative.
Use your surroundings to start a conversation.
For example: If she’s wearing a hoodie with a college name on it, mention it.
“Nice sweater. You went to Boston University?”
“What did you study?”
“How did you end up here in Pittsburgh?”
This is mundane, uncreative, but effective.
You’re coming off as a normal sociable person who has the confidence to talk to a woman.
And women like men that are not afraid of them.
What's next?
If you liked this article, you will love my men's dating newsletter. Click the link to sign up.
There's also a bunch of related conversation topics on this blog including:
Want more help when it comes to talking to women?
Check out my course Conversation Academy.
This program is completely focused on conversation.
Knowing how to talk to women is a superpower. Persuasion, knowing how to be more likable, knowing how to come up with new topics of conversation, body language - I cover everything when it comes to conversation with women here.
